So what do i have to say today. Well lets see. You would expect my blog to be about me however, all I seem to want to write about is other ppl. That seems very well I don't know the word but it makes me think that I want approval or summin. My prayer at the begining of this semester was to be myself and not worry about what others think of me. Just in the last few nights it has come to my attention ( soley through my own observations) that I am abrasive, over bering, obnoxious, a jerk, and I try to impress ppl too much. (for those of you reading I don't really want you messaging me and dissagreeing, if you do, please, just pray for humility) As it is obvious that ppl see their own faults as larger than they really are and do not notice their strengths(sometimes other way around), I want to make it clear I am not saying I don't have strengths, I am just saying that I should focus more on the weaknesses. But my very very very easy to distract mind, which often results in randomness, can't focus for long periods of time on a single goal. So the result is I don't ever get around to fixing the problem So I thought I would just write about it or make a list of ppl i would like to write about but don't.

List: (I will try to get as many names as I can think of is a random order so as not to infer favoratism)
Jason Jesko, Mindi *insert last name here*, Pagie J*rest of name here sorry*, Karen Thompson, Ashley Walker, Vicki *insert last name here*, Bethany Broyles, Nate Folk, Marcus Tusaint, Joe Culkins, Megan Whitworth, Christoper Haugen, Heather *insert last name here*, Father Mike, Father Keath, Grant *insert last name here*, Michael Kaler, Robert Moore, Jeremy Stack, Mike Quinn, Ben *I am so bad with last names*, Sean Bradley, Blake Clements, Dan Hill, Lexie *insert last name here*, Katie *insert last name here*, Chelsy *insert last name here*, Anish Simon, Gordy *insert last name here*, Chris *insert last name here*, Gabe *insert last name here*, Cassi *insert last name here*, Marlo *insert last name here*, Rachel *insert last name here*, Rebecca *insert last name here*, Mark *insert last name here*, Jon *insert last name here*, Craig *insert last name here*, V^2, Holly Zaplac, Kate*insert last name here*, Cody *insert last name here*, Lolita Diaz, Kevin Polanscky, Tiffany Verreta, Tiffany *insert last name here*, Becky Corbin, Casey Hogan?, Rebecca DeYoung, Doug DeYoung, Gabe Kelly-DeYoung, Leah Starr, John Starr, Adam Starr, Dorothy Starr, David Starr, Alison Starr, Christine Starr, Nik Stokes, Van Merriel, Jesus "Christ", Chris *insert last name here*, and many many many more. If you didn't make the list its cause my memory sucks, and there are many many many many many many more names that would be on it. And a couple that would be on it more than once. however since I can't remember them all right now.

Everyone of these ppl are in my thoughts often or at least occasionally and most ot the time I don't think at all so probly not then, but I don't know how to express what I am feeling, I don't know how to fix me. Emotinal intemacy eludes me once again. I pray for anyone who feels as I feel but I don't feel sympothy because we dig our own ditch by not the climbing the ladder to Christ.

I know I am not ready for anything I want until I am dependent on God and God alone, but that doesn't make it easier not to want what I want.

Peace to all and to all a Love filled life of learning, night.

Oh what to write about.... So many things so few ways to express them. God has taught me so much latley, like how to relax and let Him take control, to put all faith in HIm, and Hope for a world to come. He has also taught me that I know nothing when it comes to anything :) I think I want one thing and it turns out I want another, sleep for example, I think I want it but I never get it. So yeah I feel at peace. I don't desire for anything beyond learning for about God and doing Ok in school. Well enough to get into upper level anyway, which might not happen in the feild I am in unless I do extrodinary on my finals :( I need to make a blog in which I can write in which no one but me reads... but I think that is called a txt file... So many things to say and so few written, sigh. Anyway I am going to go to sleep cause thats just the way it is.

Night to anyone actually out there,
Craig