I suppose its a flaw to have all I need, all of Christ, and still long for a deep relationship. I know if it'll come it'll come when God wants it. I feel I want to give all of me to one person and show them the Love that Christ has given me. I mean I share that Love to the best of my ability with all those around me... I try I really do. But I long to share it with one person in a special way. I suppose thats the call to marriage. I know as a priest you share that special Love with a whole parish and in marriage with one person. To show God to each other and to sacrafice one's self for the best intrest of another. I just hate waiting... I'm horrible at it. But I'm trying.... horribily hard. I just wish I knew so many things. The more I learn the more I realize how little I know. Especially about people. And I'll tell you what, people intrigue me. I like learning about people.
On a separate note, I've been thinking about an answer my friend gave me last night to a question I asked her. I asked "What keeps you going to Church?" She said in so many words, that it feels like home. That might be one of the best answers I could have ever asked for. Its my home. I've lived a good number of places, I don't feel like I can call anyone of them home. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. They're great. But I don't feel grounded anywhere. I didn't grow up in the same house, the same town, with the same people, I didn't live with all of my family members all the time, and I don't now. If anything in some ways I grew up fast. In other ways I didn't grow up at all. I don't regret it at all, its made me who I am. I am a sum of my expirances... and God's will. I am an ambasador for Christ... the earth is not my home. I am called to somewhere greater and better. But while here I am called to serve others and represnt the Kingdom of Heaven... Christ shared this longing for home I'm sure. Maybe this is my cross to carry while here on earth. I feel home when I am at church, if anything can discribe how I feel when I'm there celebrating mass, I think that would be it. The Joy it brings to be home.

Peace,
Craig

I think I'd be a total wreck right now if I didn't have Jesus to turn too. What a stress reliever He is. I get to the stress edge and He's there to take it off. I can almost feel myself getting there and then bam. I learned about the Blessed Dameon today. The Priest who volunteered to become a leaper so they could have their own priest. He choose to become a leaper so they could have someone to call their own and he volunteered and begged to be allowed to go. He eventually died as a leaper. I long to have a faith to do something like that. To give myself over to disease and death for God's Love. Maybe it won't be so extream... but maybe God will grant me that faith. ... Sigh now if only He'd grant me patience.... cause I really need it. I'm soo impatient. Oh well, prayer makes it better. Just thinking how much I didn't know two and a half years ago, I can't wait to see how much I learn in the next two years!!! I feel like such a different person.... and I am. Anyway I need sleep !!!

Peace,
Craig