OK so I haven't written anything in a while. But here it goes *We're off*. I had my first confession yesterday. It was absolutley (get it "absolution" absolutley? lol) AMAZING... I made an appointment with Fr. Mike for yesterday at 830am. Alright I admit I was a little nervous. But I have been looking forward Reconciliation alot. We basically jumped right into it and I went on and on for an hour. Man oh man, it didn't really sink in until mass later that day how absolutley incredible it all was. I was soooo happy during mass that I almost cried. Yes I was that happy. I mean I just suddenly realized that there was nothing keeping me from the Lord and how absoutley Wonderful it is.

I am still nervous about Easter Vigil but excited. I am waiting for it all to hit me and sink in.

I am coming to realize how extremely complex my life is and yet so utterly simple. You see the circumstances of my life are simple, but my emotions and my thoughts are complex. I feel like things could be easier but I make them hard or other people do. Sometimes I feel like I understand everything in my life and then the next I don't.

I think my biggest problem is I don't know my own heart. I can't seem to keep it all straight. All I can to is search myself. But I feel like I am only touching the top of my emotion when other people around me have this deepth of emotion I am lacking. Do I close myself off? or do I see things differently. I know I have a reasonably unique way of thinking, maybe I have a unique way of feeling too. I want everything I do to be from my heart but sometimes I feel like I am running away with myself and not understanding the cause of my actions. Sometimes I guess I just have to do it and then understand why I did it later. I mean I can't even describe what I feel like in my heart. It could be described as peace, longing, thirst, desire, and many many others. I don't know what to call it. One thing I do know is I try to care about what is best for others. But I seem to fail too often. Oh well that is all for now if anyone wants to leave me some enlightenment feel free.

Good night world and hello dreams,
Craig "Soon to be Catholic" DeYoung

Wonder and Awe