My heart poured out upon the sand...

These last few weeks have been rather tough. Projects due, spiritual lows and highs, my grandfather passed away, and many other small and big things.

I'll start off with the projects. While my future is unclear I spend my time in the present. Part of that is my school work. My classes are good but the longer the semester draws on the more detached I become with them. I think a big part of that is the projects. They are long and difficult and I don't know if I am doing them the right way. But thats ok I suppose so long as I try. I really don't have much on that. I got an Internship this summer in Houston and that should be an experiance. Next fall I will get to do the Rockwell show as well.

My soul has been in funk these last few weeks. I have found myself struggling to make myself do the things I used to do out of habit. I have grown distant and my focus has wandered. But last week something pushed me hard but at the sametime brought me out of that. My grandfather Donn DeYoung, 78, passed away from the effects of bone cancer.

When I found out I was kind of in shock even though I knew it was coming. I spent the day reflecting on the moments I had spent with him and the good things about him. Like the fist time I ever went to the shooting range, the motor home, cards, his jokes, the peanuts he alwasy had around, and the laugh. Then that night I went to church to pray and I found myself in praise and worship (singing songs to God) and I had and image (not a vision) of my Grandfather singing with me and I knew I was to give him to God in my heart. Since then I haven't felt sad for him. But I have felt sad for those left behind him. My family. My grandma whom I love dearly, my dad, my uncles, my aunt, my cousins, in short my family.

The trip up there was a nightmare and by the time the funeral service began I was exhausted. The funeral was good and very much reflected what was in my heart and on my mind. But something I didn't expect was how much it helped me to see how wonderful my family is. The way they all come together and share and Love one another. They are simply put, Amazing.

When it came time for the actual funeral we drove to the cemetary to where my great grandfather and grandmother are buried along with some other family members. I remember going there as a kid with my dad and I remember the spiritual aspect of it and the deep feelings it held for me, as it alwasy will now. Before we buried him there a few of our family spoke and tears were shed and hearts were bared. It seemed fitting that the weather was a tad chilly. When we burried grandpa there was a strong sense of finality to it but as I've been reminded that good things spring from the most sorrowful. I put my cross necklace in the grave before Uncle Derk lowered grandpa in. And as I look back now I know God prompted me. For I know the cross will raise him up into eternal life if God wills it and grandpa accepts it. And I know that I will remember that happy things can come from sorrowful and new life from death.

I think also that it was fitting that almost a week later I watched my friend Brittney come fully into the church through confirmation. New Hope! It is such an encouragement and a blessing to witness her growth and courage. She is beautiful and captivating in Christ and captivated by Him. It has in many ways this day rekindled a fire in me I have been lacking for a bit. Though I do not believe I have ever lost Faith in these last few months, I know I have lost focus and determination and the desire to grow. But I know i need to. Stasis is something I long to avoid.

Someday I will find my path but until then GOD grant me the desire to Love Him and pray. Amen. I pray for you all my friends, family, and everyone else too.


Peace yo,
Craig